This just in, Connecticut rapper Chris “Webby” Webster was finally caught by local authorities earlier this evening. He is reportedly being brought up on a number of assault and battery charges for the instrumentals that he hospitalized early this year. He was found in his parent’s attic, where he lives. Ha, what a fucking loser! More details to come, back to you with the weather Lisa.

When brought in for questioning, Webster was found to have eight bags of cocaine, 27 ecstasy pills, three ounces of marijuana, 2 illegal pet tiger cubs, four Ninja Turtle action figures and a kidnapped Cambodian prostitute. His bail has been set at $2,000,000.00 dollars and he- oh, wait, this just in, Chris Webby has escaped?! Oh Jesus, oh God, lock your fuckin’ doors people! Oh, FUCK!